…if I fail to reach the shoreline
Or if I break beneath the breeze
Let it be known I offered something
I gave up all the love in me…
-Vincent Lima
I don’t know what’s left of me.
For the past few years, its been “go, go, go”, an endless stream of creative productivity. In the span of four trips around the sun, I went from being the author of 4 books to being the author of 6 books, 6 seasons of webseries, 1 audio podcast, and 3 published short stories. It’s been an incredible journey. But now I sit here, miles from home, and I’m not sure what it was all for.
I’m sitting on a pilot, 2 novel drafts, and several webseries pitches, but none of them are reading how I want. It’s like my creativity has dried up and my brain has fried and I don’t know what it is but I just feel alone.
Is that unusual? Probably not. I’ve felt this way between every season of my webseries, which has gotten better and better even as viewership has declined. And there are plenty of good things in my life. I’m employed. I have friends. A rugby team. I’m seeing someone. But I am so, so frustrated. I feel like I’m back where I started.
“So just take a break!” I can hear some of you saying. Many of you have been telling me to do this for years. But that’s not how I’m wired. I like having something to chew on, a show, a book, something. How do I go on without that? Who am I if not an author?
What can I build with nothing left inside me?
That’s part of why I’m reviving my blog. I just need to get some writing done and out, even if its not good, moving, meaningful, whatever. I need something more to me. I have to create it, grow it, somehow.
So on we go. I’m going to try to write here. I’m hoping some of you will read. We’ll see how that goes.
All the best,
Craig